I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
