yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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