Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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