I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize