i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
