just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
