she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
