I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
