SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
