(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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