She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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