never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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