no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
