We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
