ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He? As in you personified your dick?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
