Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
