It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would ride that face into the sunset
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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