I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
