I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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