The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
