Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
