i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
