Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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