Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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