i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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