My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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