if i can run in heels then i can drive
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
