Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
