I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
