dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
