would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
