That's intense
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize