I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
