I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
