hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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