my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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