i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
