and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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