Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
