did you get engaged???
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
