I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
