I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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