I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
