I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
