Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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