I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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