Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
