He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
