who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
