I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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