just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
