Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize