I am full of burrito and curiosity
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
