Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
