So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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