meet me or not, i'm out of control
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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