Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
