Already got asked if we're dating
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
