I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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