Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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