apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
