I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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