Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
