even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
